If you’ve just entered into parenthood for the first time, many things can start feeling different. You might always resent your husband, and the beautiful parenthood you’d imagined with your loved one starts drifting away slowly.
Perhaps he’s not helping with the baby, or he’s not giving enough effort in making things work, and this is freaking you out.
It is difficult when one parent does everything but doesn’t break down because we have solutions to your problems. If you’re paranoid and losing sleep over resentment towards your husband, hear me out and think about resolving it.
Why Your Husband Might Not Be Helping with the Baby
Before jumping to conclusions, it’s best to try and understand your husband’s point of view.
1. Lack of Knowledge
No matter how modern society becomes, we still have men growing up with stereotypical gender roles. Sure, there are differences between men and women, but when looking after a baby, we do not need to play the stereotypes game.
Perhaps your husband never learned to do household chores or never actively helped his mother before. I am not trying to justify your husband’s actions, but if you’ve never learned something before, you can’t start doing it automatically without a little push. Right?
2. Fear of Doing Something Wrong
Another reason your husband might not be helping is because he has no idea how to help. Perhaps he’s struggling inside, too, wondering if he tried to lend a hand and things went wrong.
Caring for a baby requires a lot of patience and should be handled delicately. Men can be afraid of doing something wrong, which might be why your husband might be behaving the same way.
I Resent My Husband for Not Helping With Baby Chores – What Should I Do?
Now that you’ve figured out why your husband might be avoiding baby duty, it’s time to take some steps.
Rather than throwing a fit and ruining your relationship, the best way is to opt for a simple and meaningful conversation and some extra healthy steps.
Let’s talk about how you handle the situation carefully. It’s a learning curve and a vital part of being a parent. Getting this sorted now will help your family in the long run.
1. Talk to Your Husband
Of course, the first step would be having an honest conversation with your husband. Tell him about your share of worries, how you’re having a hard time and why you need him to be there for the baby.
Start by discussing how he needs to take the baby’s responsibility and that parenthood should be teamwork.
Your husband loves you and the baby; he needs to know what you’re going through. A good talk might help him share his reasons and help you understand him better.
2. Give Your Husband Time Alone with the baby
The maternal instinct stops the mother from staying apart from the baby, but fathers are not naturally made that way. Instead, they need to build a bond with the baby independently, and it needs time. You can make your husband become a part of your baby’s everyday life by giving them time alone.
Try making a quick trip to the market or your parent’s home and leave the child with your husband. Of course, it will not be easy from the first day, but trust me, it will get better.
You may come home and see a mess waiting for you to clean up, your baby might be irritable, and your husband might have difficulty adjusting to it- but it will be worth it.
Your baby will bond with its father and start feeling comfortable around him. This way, your husband will start feeling involved and try harder to participate.
Enjoy a warm bath or take a walk to the park while your husband watches over the baby, and you’ll start feeling much better.
3. Divide Chores
Your husband might be taking care of the laundry or cooking section while you’re taking care of the baby and the rest of the household work.
Rather than keeping him detached from the baby’s chores, try making him a part of it.
Take baby steps in involving him in taking care of the baby. Start by asking him to take care of the baby’s laundry, fold the baby’s clothes, clean the baby’s cot or teach him how to change a diaper.
It might look like a small effort, but it will help you feel much more relaxed.
4. Avoid Criticizing
Criticizing can make any situation worse, and this is a fact. Admit it or not; if you’ve criticized your husband in the past, it might have left a mark on him.
If he’s started getting involved in the baby’s chores, give him some space and teach him how to do things in order.
Write notes to guide him on making the baby’s oatmeal cereal, folding the clothes, keeping things in place, and doing anything else he might mess up.
If he makes mistakes, let him learn on his own. Rather than criticizing, encourage his actions and help him do things properly. He might make a mistake today, tomorrow, and perhaps the day after. But he will learn at his own pace, and things will turn around slowly when he does.
To wrap up the discussion, it can be said that parenthood is already a challenging journey, and unnecessary resentment can turn into a bad experience for both you and your husband.
This is why you need to be more vocal with your husband and come to a conclusion together about how you can solve the matter carefully.
Your husband, partner, or spouse will be helping you out in no time!
I hope my suggestions can help you experience better parenthood with your husband.